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2012 December 27

Best of 2012: True Life: I'm a Hamptons Teen

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True Life: Hamptons Teen edition True Life: Hamptons Teen edition
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One of our favorite stories of 2012 was this dishy Daily Dan q&a with an anonymous Hamptons teen. In case you missed it...

(NEW YORK) Ever seen the high school crowd sipping bellinis en terrace along Main Street in Southampton and wondered, huh? Join the club. Here on the East End, an affluent set of teenyboppers prefer Prada over pep rallies and prioritize their PmC count (that’s Patrick McMullan to nous) as high as their SAT scores. The Daily tracked down a New York City teen who’s been summering in the Hamps “forever” for the scoop on what it’s really like to be living footloose and fancy free—under mom and dad’s roof, of course. AS TOLD TO EDDIE ROCHE

What’s the most shocking tidbit about The Hamptons Teen?
We still have nannies.

Even the 18-year-olds?
Sure. Most of my friends have one. I do too, but I have a younger sibling. Nannies do everything. When kids turn into teenagers, the housekeeper just turns into a personal assistant. If there’s no driver, they have to drive us around. Last summer, I saw a housekeeper carrying Conrad Hilton’s bags onto the Jitney. He’s 18.

Conrad Hilton rides the bus?
He had to ride the regular Jitney, not the Ambassador Line, because he was running late and that was the only bus at the station that could fit him and his luggage. It was a major crisis, I could tell. He was dressed in head-to-toe designer, running to the bus while his Goyard bags kept falling down around him. He had to sit all the way in the back. I don’t know if people actually realized who he was, but they knew he was someone.

Does the Hilton family have a place out here?
I’ve heard they rent it out.

Who’s the richest Hampton Teen?
This kid named [redacted]. He’s 19, and last summer, he was always at Nello [Summertimes] sitting at a huge table with like 20 girls. He’s like the Hugh Hefner of my age group, except he lives at home with his parents. Girls use him because he’ll buy all his little chiquitas Christian Louboutins for their birthday.

Sounds very generous.
He’s nice when he wants to be…to people he likes.

Where’s the most popular hangout?
It used to be Nello, but now it’s house parties or clubs like SL. There’s a lot of party hopping. Everyone knows the photographers because they’re always being photographed for the local magazines.

Have you had a bellini?
One or two. I was 15, maybe 16.

We heard a rumor that New York investment bankers hook up with 16-year-old girls.
Yeah, one of my friends met one at SL, and they actually ended up dating. He was only in his late twenties.

Isn’t that illegal?
Seventeen is the age of consent. Age is just a number, but I admit, it looks a little strange. New York girls mature quickly. Everyone looks old! The girls wear tons of makeup and wear heels just to look expensive. At Intermix in Southampton, everyone shopping there is, like, my age. These girls are more mature than the older ones who go to the Hamptons, a lot of whom are just wannabe Hamptons people.

What does The Hamptons Teen read?
There’s not a lot of reading. The Daily on the iPad!

What’s The Hamptons Teen’s go-to vodka?
Grey Goose.

Have you ever gone to any house parties?
One time. There’s Operation Smile Junior, which is the big event for our age. It’s a charity event for cleft palate disorders. One of the girls had a party afterwards. It gets a little crazy.

Do these soirees have bartenders?
No, it’s more about beer pong in the basement of a mansion. In the city, you have to worry about doormen, but the Hamptons is a safe haven for getting into trouble.

What’s the average summertime curfew?
No one I know has a curfew. If parents are giving their kids drivers, they technically believe that they’re safe. Then one person says they’re sleeping at another’s house, and it’s the whole domino effect.

Does everyone have a fake ID?
Of course. They get them from a website. I’ve thought about it, not for drinking purposes, but for college, where everyone goes to clubs, at least I think. But you know, the fake ID thing is a little scary. I’m not in the mood to go to jail.

Do you know anyone who’s ended up there?
Everyone I know is too smart. I’ve heard of this guy who knows a big government guy in the Hamptons, so if he gets pulled over, which happens quite a bit, he just flashes this particular card and they let him go.

What do you think about that? 
Most of these teenagers are living off the name their parents built, not to mention their trust fund. They’re never going to work. I don’t like that. It’s not motivating. I wouldn’t be interested in a guy who just did nothing.

Is laziness a real problem?
Yes, that and rehab. Some of my best friends have all gone to rehab by the time they’re 16 for eating disorders, drinking, or weed.

Not cocaine?
Rarely. Look, the guys are the crazy ones. They’ll slip things into your drinks. You don’t understand, you should write a whole story about [club name redacted]. This guy put Xanax in the actual bottles, so the bartender ended up giving it to everyone. So manipulative!

Do the locals like you?
They’re like, ‘Oh, we hate the summer because of the New Yorkers. They’re snobby.’ But they need us for the money! Teens are the best customers. We’ll spend tons on anything.

Thoughts on Gossip Girl?
They exaggerate a little bit. They’re always filming near my school. It’s so awkward because I come out in my little uniform, and they look at me like I’m crazy, but it really is my uniform!

Where do Hamptons kids go to high school?
The ones who have money and want to get away go to boarding schools. Otherwise, the usual private schools: Spence, Dalton, and Collegiate.

Thoughts on fashion?
Anything expensive—Missoni, Chanel, Cut25, all the big designers. And anything really provocative at night.

Where does The Hamptons Teen like to eat?
Tate’s and the Golden Pear, and Sant Ambroeus for takeout paninis for the beach. Clearly, the burger stand is not good enough.

What’s the allowance of a Hamptons Teen?
For a lot of us, it’s unlimited.

What kind of cars do your peers drive?
Mercedes-Benz. Some people pretend the cars are their own, but if it’s a Bentley, it’s usually their father’s. Also, a lot of us ride our bikes.

Who is the most down to earth rich kid in these parts?
[long pause] Frédéric Fekkai’s son. All the Fekkais are really nice; none of them are malicious.

Does The Hamptons Teen have a part-time job?
Not unless it’s a joke. One of my friends did this stupid thing—he worked in a smoothie shop, but it wasn’t serious. Oh—I am pretty sure I have a friend who babysits. 

How much does a Hamptons babysitter get paid?
At least $20 an hour.

What do you think babysitters get paid in Iowa?
Have I ever been there? I don’t even know, but I think it’s really low.

Would you ever  babysit?
No! I’m asked all the time, but I refuse.

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