2012 September 18
My Interview with a Cigarette
(NEW YORK) Daily NYFW encore! Most of the fashion industry’s eccentric habits—wacky diets, dangerous shoes, preening for street-style photogs in a manner that would make Angelina blush—are celebrated. But smoking? Not so much. Your Daily sat down with the once-ubiquitous Marlboro Light in search of answers about its fate. BY ASHLEY BAKER
To be honest, I’m feeling a bit burned out.
Everything’s going digital, even the guys in my crowd. Have you heard about these new smokes that are all microchip, no tar?
Are you becoming a bit dated?
Not dated—never dated. A little retro, maybe. And a little unserious.
You seem to be taken seriously to me.
Only as a leper! I used to be everywhere—at the finest barstools at the Rainbow Room, heading the toniest tables at Tavern on the Green.
Around the time we first met, you were holding court at Don Hill’s.
Yes! Those were some good times. I was really going through a renaissance around the time of the Ban.
How did that affect you?
It destroyed my appetite, for starters.
How does a stimulant get depressed?
It’s kind of you to think of me that way.
Did you feel like you were in hiding?
Essentially. But you know, it’s interesting—as I became scarcer, I became more appealing to the most discerning society. Like a luxury good, if you will.
If you had to compare yourself to a fashion accessory...
A Taffin opal brooch, a Schlumberger earring, a Cartier Panthère ring. I’m unabashedly opulent.
When are you happiest?
When I am being enjoyed alone, in secret.
Any place in particular?
Oh [exhaling], probably Graydon Carter’s office bathroom. The quarters are a bit cramped, but the space itself is sexy.
What are your politics?
I suppose it’s on the record that Obama and I go way back.
Describe your relationship with food.
What about with alcohol?
Ugh! So annoying.
Do you have anxiety about the future?
No more than the next vice. But for everyone who abandons me, another adopts. At least that’s how it seems. Or maybe I’m just blowing smoke up your...
Why are you such a polarizing character?
Oh darling, isn’t it clear? I’m far too magnetic for my own good. Don’t you remember how we met, and how intimate we became, so immediately?
I’m trying not to think about it. How do you want to be remembered?
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