New Column: The Facebook Report

(FACEBOOK) Wednesday, December 3 was clear and crisp in New York City. Christmas had almost arrived, and Facebook bristled in anticipation. Using the My Christmas Tree application, designer Marc Jacobs (4,994 friends) added a Glowing Green Christmas Tree to his profile. Despite Santa Claus' imminent arrival, PR laborer Joey Jalleo (816 friends) expressed annoyance with the zaftig. "Joey Jalleo," Jalleo wrote, "doesn't understand why fat gum-smacking girls seem to follow him wherever he goes." Speaking of which, Paper magazine's Peter Davis (5,001 friends) reports he's "stoked to interview Ugly Betty's America Ferrera. What should I ask her?" Also in a questioning mood: Melissa Berkelhammer (379 friends)! Ms. Berkelhammer queries, "Anyone know what number Biography is on Time Warner?" (It's Channel 763 in HD.) Perhaps Berkelhammer would do well to call petit social friend (and Davis boyfriend), Paul Johnson Calderon (1,728 friends). He, according to his status, is "feeling good & chillaxing with a little vino and some slasher flick carnage before bed." Joe Zee (2,282 friends) has gotten into the holiday spirit of amity as well. Zee is no doubt reveling in his newfound friendship with Karl Lagerfield; the two became friends on December 1.
JOSHUA DAVID STEIN